When I think about my childhood the first thing that comes to mind is how awful I was; I mean really, I was a terror. I always held the utmost respect for my parents, but when it came to other kids I was relentless with the teasing. I attribute most of it to my sister, who instilled the teasing in me by tormenting me to no end. I can’t even count how many times she locked me in a steamer trunk or had me doing some suicidal stunt for her own pleasure; having your younger sister riding on a flipped over picnic table bench sled with a 120 lb. wolf towing you full speed through the snow was probably not the best idea she’s ever had. As I got older I also started in with the same behavior and once that point came, my sister and I agreed to disagree and instead of torturing each other, we decided to turn our attention onto our foster brother.
Kids can be so cruel, but we weren’t exactly that. We all actively would be teasing each other, but for some reason this one day I knew it was going to end in turmoil. My parents decided to leave the babysitting of myself and my foster brother to my older sister. Given the fact that my foster brother was older than my sister by a year, I found it interesting but realistic - My brother Sam wasn't exactly mature enough to handle the task, in all honesty. Directly before leaving, my parents turned to all three of us, but more specifically my sister Hannah.
"Are you sure you're going to be able to handle them?" My mom said to Hannah, as if she didn't even believe it to be possible.
"Yeah, no problem, we'll be fine," Hannah retorted with confidence, "We're just going to sit here and watch TV."
My father stood quietly as the conversation was had, for he already knew leaving us all together and alone was a terrible idea, but he had already agreed to try it out for once.
"Sam, are you going to listen to Hannah and not be antagonistic?" Mom inquired.
Sam merely shrugged off the comment with a simple, "Uh-huh."
As I stood facing my parents I felt the urge to tell them that I had my doubts as well, but being 11 years old and given the chance to have free reign in the house, I held my statements to myself. Within moments, our parents had left and we sat back in our perspective places in front of the television. As Hannah began to flip through the channels, I could sense Sam was on the verge of doing something to annoy us. With every channel that passed, Sam began incessantly complaining about playing his Super Nintendo which was in our room. Why was it in our room? Because my parents didn't want us preoccupying the living room tv with video games 24/7, so we made the compromise with Sam to let him keep it in our room under one condition: one of us had to be present when he was in there. We only lived in a four room apartment, so the space was definitely limited, and being young girls the last thing we wanted was Sam rooting around.
Eventually, my sister and I settled on watching MTV, considering that was a no-no channel when my parents were home. It was back when MTV still played music videos fairly often, but this still wasn't enough to suffice Sam. Continuously the complaints rolled on about how he desperately wanted to play video games, and it got to a point were I was about to accompany him into the room so that we could, but that's when the whole situation got shitty. Sam decided that because we weren't listening and respecting his complaints that he would seek out a new method to grab our attention. I as a child was somewhat of a hothead - I didn't like other kids teasing me or badgering me in any way, and when they did, I would lash out horribly. Considering I was 11, I really didn't think I had the capacity to even take on a boy three years my senior, but when butting heads, little is considered rationally.
Sam decided it would be a good idea to stand in the doorway of our room on the edge where the carpet met the tile and relentlessly taunt me.
"Sam, get AWAY from our room," Hannah said from the comfort of the armchair, "Don't piss Erin off, I don't want to deal with this."
"But I'm not in your room, I'm on the edge, I'm not in it, I'm allowed to stand here!"
The way he responded reminded me of the "I'm not touching you" game while pointing within someone's personal space, and that coupled with his incessant tormenting was enough to push me over the same edge he had been teetering on. I felt rage overcoming me as I approached Sam and stood in front of him as he blocked me from Hannah and I's room.
"Seriously," I said curtly, "Cut this shit out Sam, get the hell away from our room!"
"But I'm not IN your room!" He responded while dancing his big toe on the tiles of bedroom.
"That's it."
With the final antagonizing statement, I lost my cool and what was a heated discussion turned into a physical shoving match, which ended with me on top of Sam, punching him on the floor as my sister sat in the armchair content with the entertainment she was witnessing. As soon as Sam started to get upset, I heard the door keys but it was too late; My mom was on me before I could even gather that they were really home.
It was then Hannah decided to jump up and say "No you guys! What are you doing?!" in the most fake demeanor.
"What the HELL is going on here Hannah?! I thought you were watching them?" Mom said as she wrestled me into my room, "Nevermind, I don't care, get in the room too!"
We were sequestered to our room for the rest of the night, but to be honest it probably wasn't going to play out any other way. I had a short fuse as a child, a short fuse I still fight daily, but luckily with age the compelling nature to get physical when I am angry has subsided. I feel bad to an extent for the way things played out that day, but most children fight at least once in their childhood so it was inevitable in a sense with the numerous attempts at badgering. It wouldn't be until we were older that Sam would actually laugh about the situation, but as of recent, we all sit around and give a little chuckle for the things we did that were so ridiculous and stupid. Kids can be so cruel.
"Are you sure you're going to be able to handle them?" My mom said to Hannah, as if she didn't even believe it to be possible.
"Yeah, no problem, we'll be fine," Hannah retorted with confidence, "We're just going to sit here and watch TV."
My father stood quietly as the conversation was had, for he already knew leaving us all together and alone was a terrible idea, but he had already agreed to try it out for once.
"Sam, are you going to listen to Hannah and not be antagonistic?" Mom inquired.
Sam merely shrugged off the comment with a simple, "Uh-huh."
As I stood facing my parents I felt the urge to tell them that I had my doubts as well, but being 11 years old and given the chance to have free reign in the house, I held my statements to myself. Within moments, our parents had left and we sat back in our perspective places in front of the television. As Hannah began to flip through the channels, I could sense Sam was on the verge of doing something to annoy us. With every channel that passed, Sam began incessantly complaining about playing his Super Nintendo which was in our room. Why was it in our room? Because my parents didn't want us preoccupying the living room tv with video games 24/7, so we made the compromise with Sam to let him keep it in our room under one condition: one of us had to be present when he was in there. We only lived in a four room apartment, so the space was definitely limited, and being young girls the last thing we wanted was Sam rooting around.
Eventually, my sister and I settled on watching MTV, considering that was a no-no channel when my parents were home. It was back when MTV still played music videos fairly often, but this still wasn't enough to suffice Sam. Continuously the complaints rolled on about how he desperately wanted to play video games, and it got to a point were I was about to accompany him into the room so that we could, but that's when the whole situation got shitty. Sam decided that because we weren't listening and respecting his complaints that he would seek out a new method to grab our attention. I as a child was somewhat of a hothead - I didn't like other kids teasing me or badgering me in any way, and when they did, I would lash out horribly. Considering I was 11, I really didn't think I had the capacity to even take on a boy three years my senior, but when butting heads, little is considered rationally.
Sam decided it would be a good idea to stand in the doorway of our room on the edge where the carpet met the tile and relentlessly taunt me.
"Sam, get AWAY from our room," Hannah said from the comfort of the armchair, "Don't piss Erin off, I don't want to deal with this."
"But I'm not in your room, I'm on the edge, I'm not in it, I'm allowed to stand here!"
The way he responded reminded me of the "I'm not touching you" game while pointing within someone's personal space, and that coupled with his incessant tormenting was enough to push me over the same edge he had been teetering on. I felt rage overcoming me as I approached Sam and stood in front of him as he blocked me from Hannah and I's room.
"Seriously," I said curtly, "Cut this shit out Sam, get the hell away from our room!"
"But I'm not IN your room!" He responded while dancing his big toe on the tiles of bedroom.
"That's it."
With the final antagonizing statement, I lost my cool and what was a heated discussion turned into a physical shoving match, which ended with me on top of Sam, punching him on the floor as my sister sat in the armchair content with the entertainment she was witnessing. As soon as Sam started to get upset, I heard the door keys but it was too late; My mom was on me before I could even gather that they were really home.
It was then Hannah decided to jump up and say "No you guys! What are you doing?!" in the most fake demeanor.
"What the HELL is going on here Hannah?! I thought you were watching them?" Mom said as she wrestled me into my room, "Nevermind, I don't care, get in the room too!"
We were sequestered to our room for the rest of the night, but to be honest it probably wasn't going to play out any other way. I had a short fuse as a child, a short fuse I still fight daily, but luckily with age the compelling nature to get physical when I am angry has subsided. I feel bad to an extent for the way things played out that day, but most children fight at least once in their childhood so it was inevitable in a sense with the numerous attempts at badgering. It wouldn't be until we were older that Sam would actually laugh about the situation, but as of recent, we all sit around and give a little chuckle for the things we did that were so ridiculous and stupid. Kids can be so cruel.
This breaks into three segments. First is set-up in graf 1 where you give the background to the teasing. Second the trip to Bucksport. Three the icecream incident.
ReplyDeleteFor me the piece doesn't work. After that set-up I expected to see your brother dangling by a piece of dental floss from the Prospect-Verona Bridge or locked in a dungeon in Ft Knox. It's a letdown when you just give him a little well-deserved sarcastic ribbing.
I like the description of the icecream incident, but to me, this whole piece begins here (" We approached the ice cream store window...") and the rest could be dropped.
Should I rewrite the story entirely or just try and work with the material I already have?
ReplyDeleteSometimes I have to leave the question of rewrite to the student, because I don't want to push them further into something that didn't work and might not have had much energy in the original idea.
ReplyDeleteHopefully this is a little more of what you were looking for
ReplyDeleteYes, you have a single strong example, a clear story that you arrive at without too much fuss. I still don't see you being cruel, and so I don't think the first graf really fits in with what's happening in this piece: Sam was teasing you, not vice-versa.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm going to warp your sense of the kindness of English teachers forever with what I'm about to say, but as you describe it, you did what anyone would do age 11: knock the sucker down and put the knuckles to him. He deserved it!